Coaching Tips
Setting Direction.
Part 3 - What Resources Do You Have?
“If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves.”
Thomas Edison
I often tell my clients that “by the age of 2 almost every human being will have all the resources they could need for the rest of their life”. This may sound like a remarkably outlandish claim, for not many 2-year-olds can play guitar, pick stocks and shares or drive.
The real point is that by the age of 2, almost every child has learned to communicate, even if only through the medium of crying, or they may even have learned a whole new language by then. They have known love and loss, even if it was for that cuddly toy or comforter that dropped out of the pram on the way back from the park. They have experienced desire, usually for that expensive vase or ornament you received as a wedding present and have placed on a high shelf.
Talk about confidence! Have you ever seen a group of toddlers or small children on the dance floor at a party or wedding? They’ll move to the music and make great shapes as the feeling takes them. And don’t even think about a round of karaoke with small children. We really are only born with 2 fears -loud noises and falling - every other fear is learned.
When working with our clients to help them achieve their goals, remember, that the internal resources they need are already within them. Now, I’m not suggesting you take every client back to the age of 2 to find a resource, it is merely to demonstrate the point.
So, when we ask our client “What resources will you need to achieve this goal?” we are primarily seeking internal resources – they will need powers of persuasion or leadership to encourage others to help them, whether this be physical, mental or even monetary help.
Many years ago a client told me she wanted to become an author and write books. Naturally, I realised I needed to find out if this was an achievable goal, so I asked her “Have you ever written anything creatively?” “Oh yes”, she replied, “I write poetry all the time” holding an imaginary piece of A5 paper in front of herself and running her hand up and down it. “But,” she concluded, “I can’t imagine writing a book, it seems far too big!”
After a very quick intervention, which I’ll save for another time, we explored all the resources available to her. She had a massive pool of stories, characters and experiences to draw upon for a whole series of novels. She had felt confident writing poetry, so it was relatively simple to transfer that confidence to her novel writing. There were so many resources, both internal and external, that she was able to achieve her ambition within the year.
“Curiosity is the engine of achievement.”
Sir Ken Robinson
One of the most valuable resources I have come across is the sense of curiosity. Curiosity changes fear into possibilities, a challenge into an adventure, a problem into a learning opportunity.
A few years ago, I read one of the most fascinating stories about the positive impact of curiosity in Pema Chodron’s book “How We Live Is How We Die”.
In 1911, outside the town of Oroville in California, a Native American, the last of the Yahi people, was found alone and starving. He referred to himself as Ishi, which simply means “Man”. It was deemed taboo in his tribal culture to say one's own name, tradition dictated that you were to be introduced by other members of the tribe and as he was the last one, no one could introduce him, so Ishi’s actual name was never known.
Ishi was taken under the guardianship of two anthropologists, Alfred Louis Kroeber and Thomas Waterman who took him to San Francisco. As they were waiting in the station, the train arrived in clouds of billowing smoke and steam and a cacophony of noise. As the engine approached, Ishi took himself away and hid behind a pillar. The two anthropologists indicated that it was time to board the train, and Ishi joined them.
Once on the train, they asked about his unusual behaviour and he said “We used to see trains from the mountains with their fire and billowing smoke, and we thought they were monsters that ate people. So we always stayed far away from them.” Then Kroeber asked, “How did you have the courage to get on the train?” Ishi replied, “My Life has taught me to be more curious than afraid."
“Remember that things are not always as they appear to be …
… curiosity creates possibilities and opportunities.”
Roy T. Bennett
So, today, begin to explore those resources you and your clients already have. Remember, you’ve already learned a language from scratch, you were able to learn to walk, ride a bicycle or drive a car.
Channel your curiosity when faced with fears and challenges and begin to notice what you can achieve.
In the words of Richard Buckminster Fuller
“All children are born geniuses, and we spend the first six years of their lives degeniusing them.”
If you’re struggling for inner resources, channel the carefree, confident, shape-throwing toddler you once were and start from there.
Next time, we’ll look at how you will know when you achieve the goal.
© NLP Liverpool Limited 2024
